When you don't support women learning facilitation or other skills.
When you ignore that no women volunteered to facilitate.
When you ignore that no men volunteered to take notes.
When you accept that a woman is taking notes.
When you interrupt and ignore women facilitators.
When you interrupt and ignore women's comments and proposals.
When you ignore that women are speaking less than men.
When you allow men to speak more than women.
When you twist the words of women to suit your ends.
When your body language dominates a group.
When your tone and volume dominate a discussion.
When you take over facilitating when a woman is the facilitator.
When you repeat the words of a woman in your own words, to clarify or explain what she really means.
When you tell yourself you’re “just speaking the truth” and ignore how the form of your message is dominating, intimidating, discouraging, or hurting other people.
When you take credit for women's ideas.
When you don't give credit to women for their ideas and work.
When you step outside for a chat after a meeting while women stay behind and clean up.
When you assume women will provide the comfort in a meeting by bringing food, supplies, and arranging the space.
When you assume that childcare during meetings and actions is the responsibility of women.
When you ignore that men don’t volunteer for childcare.
When you ignore that women can’t participate because they must provide childcare.
When you ignore that men volunteer for the the “action” committee and women volunteer for the “outreach” committee.
When you glorify the visible actions and take organizing and outreach for granted.
When you leave menial tasks to women.
When you forget to do tasks and make messes and women must pick up the slack.
When you ignore that women are taking up your slack.
When you don't challenge men taking public roles.
When you don't support women taking public roles.
When you give credit and accolades to public roles, and give none to menial tasks.
When you ignore the sacrifices women make to accomplish the menial work.
When you see new women as potential sex partners rather than political actors.
When you don't question why women never go to more than a few meetings before disappearing.
When you isolate new women and "take them under your wing".
When you allow new women to be isolated by macktivists.
When you don’t expel macktivists.
When you assume new women are naive and inexperienced.
When you assume new men have experience and cred.
When you induct new men into the friendship club with handshakes and hugs and exclude new women by projecting sexual tension.
When you assume women are appendages of their partners.
When you speak to men in a group and don't make eye contact with women.
When you talk to women's partners and ignore women.
When you give information to women's partners and assume women will hear about it.
When partners break up, you don't question why women leave the group and their partners stay.
When you dismiss challenges of patriarchal behaviors.
When you don’t challenge patriarchal behavior.
When you become defensive when your behavior is challenged.
When you reframe challenges of these behaviors as personal conflicts rather than political problems.
When you assume that you must not know “everything” that happened.
When you need to know “everything” that happened in order to act.
When you continuously question the victim to want to know more to come to an “objective decision.”
When you dismiss problematic behavior as one small incident, rather than part of widespread patriarchal oppression.
When you attempt to solve these problems outside of meetings through one-on-one conversations.
When you attempt to solve these problems through mediation, assuming that there are two sides to patriarchy.
When you require the victim to report to you what happened for you to take it seriously.
When you assume that because the victim will not report the incident publicly, that there is no problem.
When you do not intervene to shut down patriarchal behavior when you are not the direct target.
When you use a victim saying "I'm ok" as an excuse to do nothing.
When you do not provide a safe place for a victim to report the oppressive behavior they are experiencing.
When you assume that “time” will heal a victim’s wounds.
When you do not discuss these problems openly, honestly, and directly.
When you spend more time “reforming” problem men than supporting the women targeted by shitty behavior.
When you do not support the targets of patriarchal behavior by addressing their feelings of unsafety, invisibility, victimhood, fear, etc.
When you assume you are a good feminist ally.
When you announce you are a good feminist ally.